Jumat, 01 April 2011

Puzzled at Puzzles

This is what puzzles me – why do wives ask husbands for the answers to crossword puzzle questions in the evening while their men are trying to watch TV? In my case, it always happens when I am watching South Park. Anyone who watches this program understands that the plots are very complicated and concentration is the key to understanding the humor. Since my wife is lying on the same bed as I, she surely must know the plot and why Butters is wearing a super hero costume.

I just don’t get it; how many times must I say, “Sorry, darling, I don’t know what the slang term is for butt crack,” or “Sorry, darling, I don’t know what the word is for husbands who watch dumb-ass TV programs.” At least I thought that is what she asked. Wait a minute; are these questions digs to keep me from enhancing my brain with good TV programming? I soon forget the questions and go back to the devil trying to have a Halloween party in South Park. After South Park, I turn the channel to Reno 911, as the wife starts another puzzle and the verbal digs start over again.

What’s the deal with crossword puzzles anyway? Why would anyone wrack their brain with trivia crap that means nothing in the real world? It makes more sense to me that I watch a gay guy on roller skates in tight, and I mean tight, shorts while putting moves on carhop customers during work. It helps knowing whom to avoid if I ever go to a carhop in the future. This is the kind of stuff that has meaning in the real world.

Oh crap, wifey is looking over at me again. Not another stupid question if you please. “Darling, what are you watching now?” she says with a devious smile. I look up at the TV and there is a home improvement program on. “How in the hell did this get on?” I ask perplexed. She replies, “I turned the channel two hours ago while you were sleeping, moron.” She starts to laugh uncontrollably as I get up to use the bathroom and then go to the couch to spend the night.
I don’t have to take this abuse!

I’m just saying,


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