Kamis, 24 Februari 2011

Where is the Remote?

I don’t think there is a wife or girlfriend on the planet that hasn’t had to look for their man’s TV remote control at one time or another. Men losing stuff they had in their hands a few moments before is not confined to just remotes either. The list includes keys, glasses, gloves, etc. The list is endless and the hunt exasperating. This is not to say that women don’t lose stuff too; they do, but it’s just that women handle the situation way better while we men go ballistic.

I thought when we started using a motor home for vacations that the horrible “losing game” would stop. The square footage of a motor home is minuscule compared to a house and there are fewer places for the stuff to hide. WRONG! Square footage has nothing to do with the art of physical things escaping human possession.

“Darling, have you seen my keys?” “They are probably right where you left them, dear.” “I can’t find them anywhere!” “Did you look in the truck?” “I would never leave them in the truck, wifey!!” After ten minutes of both of us looking, while I rant and rave, my wife would find them on the floorboard of the truck right where I left them. I then storm off to the hardware store, while she takes a couple of migraine headache pills and retreats to a dark closet.

And, what about glasses? I happen to know on good authority that eye glasses are supernatural in nature. It all started when Ben Franklin invented the darn things while belonging to the Free Masons, who in turn belonged to the Knights Templar, who in turn stole the Holy Grail and hid it in America. It all makes perfect sense if you think about it. Glasses where born to hide, and hide well. I just know when I lose mine that they are with the Holy Grail – find the glasses and you find the Grail.

I think my brother, Walt, has the answer. He carries a man-purse the size of Texas. His whole life’s accumulation of stuff is in that purse. It’s so big that it’s impossible to lose anything. Of course, someday he will be too old to carry it and that will be the time when he also will join the rest of us in the “losing game.” Until then, I’ll be damned if I am going to carry a purse! Let the hunt begin….

I’m just saying,


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